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TFunk m4w where do i begin? how long has it been since i've spoken to you? just over 2 years? 2 going on 3? idk. seems like a whole lifetime ago.
what am i doing?...
i was doing fine living my life, loving life. hadn't even so much as thought about you in a while.... and then i dreamed of you a while back, of us....and in my dream i somehow messed up and lost you....it was one of those dreams when you wake up you still think its real....i was so sad. hadn't felt alone like that since you left me. it was terrible. idk what made me dream of you, and then i went and dreamed of you, of us, several more times. and was eating dinner at a girls house i was seeing with her family, and ed her your name, out of nowhere, LMAO....why? and then it hit me....i've trained myself to not think about you. but i still love you. as much as i hate to admit it, i still love you. i have changed so so so so so so much in the last 3 years. but for some reason the mere thought of you, of us, still pulls at my heart. you'll never know how much of an impact you had on me. you were literally the first person to ever love me unconditionally. you were the first person to see the good in me and overlook my faults......and i messed it up. but at the same time i had issues i had to work out....i didn't even know who i was. i was pathetic. i hate it.
and i don't care what you say T, you loved me through and through. i don't blame you for leaving me and wanting to forget about us....but when i got arrested on some bs and you came to bail me out and freaking lauched your self at me and wrapped your legs around my waist and dug your face into my neck and started bawling, that was love. when your brother and dad were talking mad shit to my face that one night an i walked out and you did the same thing, that was love. ive never felt for anyone what i felt for you.
you were right. about most everything. about how little the family i was staying with cared for me. about that crazy religion they forced me to go to. about my sister....ugh, its one of the only regrets i have in my life, losing you. i'm embarrassed how i acted when i lost you. pathetic. but in the end i really only have 3 regrets when it comes to our relationship
1.) we got in a fight over something stupid that was most likely caused by me one night and i stormed off like the spaz i was and of course you chased after me. and i was such a fn prick to you in that church parking lot, and left you there crying. and you said you waited for like 3 hours for me to come back and i never did. i was a dick, i was selfish, i had issues. i'm sorry.
2.) your probably not gonna like this, but it doesn't change the fact i have the regret. when you overheard your brother talking shit about me, about us, and you went outside like the little firecracker you were and told him to shove it and he choked you. i shoulda killed him. well not literally killed him, but he shoulda def got his ass whooped, regardless if he was getting married in a couple days. no one will ever, ever, harm a girl i love ever again. if i ever love again. (have been with countless girls since you, havent been in love tho :/) i just figured at the time that fighting your brother would not be any good for either of us. knowing now that it wasn't gonna work out regardless, if i had to do it over again, he woulda been walking down the aisle on crutches with 2 black eyes.
3.) and this is my biggest regret. you did so fn much for me, for us. i never showed my gratitude like i should've. one of my faults. i shoulda bought you a damn ring. and taken you out on a really nice date. and just explained to you very sincerely that right now shit sucks. we both go to school and try to work full time jobs. living on our own is rough, but i promise that i will work my balls off til the day i die to make you happy. to get you whatever you want. to let you know that we werent always gonna live in some crappy apartment with hardly any furniture. and i didn't. i feel like i failed you.
and when it comes down to it, i really let you down. i changed. i became a slob. and quit taking care of myself. i was just pathetic and i hate who i became, it makes me sick. your such a good person, and i just miss you. i know you'll never read this, i'm doing it for me. like i said i've changed so much. so so much. i talk to my mom almost daily now. i don't party or go out clubbing anymore. i'm focused on my job and saving and getting ahead.
and you were absolutely right, i had issues and needed to talk to someone. i feel so much like you set me free.
your number is burned into my mind but i can't contact you. not owing you what i do still. and i'll have it soon. spring at the latest. all of it. and when that time comes i'm going to go to your house unannounced and give it to you. if your there. if not i'll give it to your parents. there won't be a letter, because how do i even start to explain the way i feel? even this right here is only a tenth of all the thoughts i have on what transpired between us. so i'll leave it to chance, fate, destiny. if your there when i come over and drop it off so be it. if not, see you in another life time.
take care boo.
-Lil Ol' Me
P.S.-your nook misses you

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Old style tradition m4w It is hard to argue against tradition. After all if it didn’t work so well it would not be handed down through the generations. Confession, pain, humiliation, and redemption provide guidance to even the most willful. Will you be a good girl and sit on His lap and tell him honestly what you have done? Get it all out and you will fell cleansed from your mistakes. Tell Him how sorry you are and how much you know you need to be corrected. You know what will happen next. You have been here before. When it is over you will kneel. in the corner and will stay there without talking or moving until He gives you permission to stand. Your are required to think about what you have done and how sorry you are. Now all that is left is for you to make up with Him. Show him your gratitude the way he loves it and you will feel yourself swell with delight

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